Where could I go to get away from them? They were constantly repeated day in and day out in my voice in my head to an audience of one. ![]() I told myself that, “Somehow, I must know the nicest people because they’re spending time with me out of charity, right? I mean they have to know I’m the fucking worst? They should because I know myself better than anyone and I am the fucking worst!” Those happy people should be out living their lives to the fullest and not be held back by having to waste their time with the awkward, ugly, boring and just plain fucking awful person that I absolutely knew myself to be. I would regularly stress myself out wondering how I could be so selfish to hurt my friends and family. I was a full year into my 20s in a new city and I was surrounded by friends… but none of that mattered because on the inside I hated who I was in every aspect. I wasn’t yet in the program I wanted to be in. ![]() That is how I am starting this essay about my favorite work of pop culture. Neon Genesis Evangelion is what stopped me from attempting suicide.
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